10 Mistakes Burglars Love It When You Make

by "An ex-burglar (reformed. really.)"

1. Leave the doors unlocked.  Hello, McFly!  Did you want me to just walk in and swipe your jewelry and that phat new plasma TV?
2. Leave the windows unlocked.  Almost as good.  If you don't think a window is just another door for me, you lack imagination.  And no, second floor heights don't vex me much either.
3. Leave your tool shed unlocked.  Notice a locking theme here?  People are always leaving their tool/garden/potting sheds unlocked because they don't think there's anything valuable inside, so why bother?  Because things like ladders, shovels, and axes help heaps when I need to break a window or get to the second story.  Why would I even bother lugging my own tools around when y'all are always so accomodating?
4. Build a high fence/private yard.  Oh, yeah.  You don't like the neighbors peeping you while you're relaxing in the backyard.  Well, guess what?  Private secluded yards mean I can saunter around, doing my thing, knowing no irritatingly alert neighbor will see me and call the cops.
5. No outdoor lighting. I love dark and shady nooks to hide in.  By failing to put in heat- or motion-sensing lighting around your home, you're just inviting me to creep in some night.
6. No home security system.  What are you?  New?  Without a home security system, there's nothing from keeping me from throwing a rock through your window, letting myself in, and taking off with all your stuff.  Better make sure you have an up-to-date security system that rings the cops or a monitoring company when something happens.  Otherwise, well, I'll see you later.
7. Keys in the car in the driveway/garage.  Some people make it so easy.  You'll never hear me get in and cruise off with your favorite ride.
8. Webcam as "home surveillance system."  You're kidding, right?  First off, I'm wearing a mask, so all that footage you're going to get is some depressing pictures of an anonymous figure swiping all your stuff.  Second, I'm taking your computer when I go, so you better be storing that footage somewhere off site.  Even if you are, I'll be long gone by the time you check it and come running home.
9. Safes that aren't bolted down.  I love it when people have these twenty pound safes sitting on a bookshelf with all their valuables in them.  Like I've got a genetic lifting disorder or something.  Nothing's stopping me from taking the whole safe with me, then having my safe-cracking buddies pry it open at their leisure.
10. "Hidden keys." I especially love homeowners who hide spare keys under doormats, planters, rocks, and other spots in the yard, thinking they're oh-so-clever.  Come on people, I do this for a living.  I know where you're gonna hide that key before you do.